"I need something positive," I said. "I farted 5 times," she replied. I had no idea marriage would be like this.

In a park near my home some big fucker who didn’t like my face took a swing at me. I blocked his right hand with my left & by chance my Tiparillo cigar smashed into...

Lance, I'd like you to meet Dick Dick. Ah...pleasure to meet you, Mr. Dick. The pleasure is mine. Call me Dick. Dick...yes, of course...Dick. I understand you're a...

I didn’t get the job cuz I wasn’t who they expected. I didn’t sell the painting cuz it didn’t fit their frames. I wasn’t promised heaven cuz I didn’t concede being born...

https://soundcloud.com/user-674857679/theres-poop-in-my-underwear when my wife gave me shit for the poop in my underwear I had, had enough of it I can't help the crap on my hanes I said plain but she...

I never had to spend Christmas at the mental hospital I imagine it’s exactly like it sounds  

always question the avatar if it is actually a representation it is likely modified no one really likes how they look and if they tell you they do they're...

Boxes seem to dent the floor their placement, a weight that sucks the future in. So long I’ve waited to wait for...

the neighbors are setting off fireworks the sky is farting national pride only it’s like the civil war it looks and feels like they’re firing them at...

it's 11 o'clock at night & i'm striking the bong standing at my window, staring at the lights, pondering the universe & the past i can't explain much about what has happened or...

After waking up from a four day binge of alcohol, hash, pills, I found myself lying next to a woman I didn’t love, though she said that she loved...

alotta​ writers​ say​ they​ write​ for​ themselves​ ​ if​ they​ are​ then​ why​ am​ I​ reading​ their​ shit?